It Could Be Worse

Hello everyone! Well, I have metioned a couple a days ago about my appointments on Wednesday and Thursday. Wednesday was my CT scan, injection, and bone scan. Went to my usual appointments on Thursday. I was told about my results yesterday. Well, before I get to that part; prior to these appointments; I have noticed that my right breast was getting a little bigger again. And it has been hurting like a Bleep!! Only at night time though. So when I seen my cancer doctor last week, I told them what was going on. That is one of the reasons for these tests to get done. That, and it was time for them to get done anyway. Only, it was a rush to get it done, and get the results faster than usual. Okay; here are the results people; the swelling that was thought to be a reaction to the previous chemo treatment that I was on, wasn't. It is indeed the mass growing again. And there was a spot found on my liver again, and a spot found on my lower spine. Not to worry though, my back is not hurting! And according to the doctor that is a good thing!! So, I was going to get my previous chemo treatment done; but I metioned that I want to start on the new one. So, I started on the new one yesterday. It's called; Paclitaxel Chemotherapy Regimen. And, unlike the other treatment that I have been on since late summer; I will be loosing my hair with this one. But, that is fine, grant it, I'm not thrilled about it, as long as it gets this nasty bad word out of my system. That is what I am aiming for anyway! With my Father in Heaven's help of course! I said it before, I love God with all my heart, so I am not deniying him!! He has gotten me through some tough times, and this is one of them that he is helping me through right now! He is putting me through this test to see how well I can handle it! I will keep praying that God will get rid of this bad c word I have. Until then, I have to be patient! Praying for my husband though, usually he is the strong one. He wasn't too happy with the news at all. Along with everything else that is going on right now! It's getting to him big time. Not an easy thing to hear. I am a lot stronger than I used to be. Not that I never been a strong person. I just take so much crap; then it gets to me, I let it out. Being strong doesn't mean you don't cry. It doesn't make you weak either! And I realized that not too long ago. We're all human, and all have our breaking point sooner or later. Their is nothing wrong with being a strong person, it's just not healthy to hold it in! I was told a long time ago when I was young, to let it out, don't hold anything in! Get it out of your system. Not that I did all the time. Only sometimes. I'm usually a pretty quiet person anyway. So, I can understand why my husband is just not too happy to hear my latest news. My two boys know what's going on. I know it is affecting my 15 year old. He is having those kind of days at school that is not too good. I will try and be careful of what I say. But I can't help but metion this, he said something that no one, not even the schools will take lighty. He said, he wanted to end his life a few days ago. He has been seeing a counsler for a couple of years now. It was brought up when my husband and my mother - in -law went. The grandma brought it up of course. Because, of course my son wouldn't. I'm not sure why my husband wouldn't, normally he would bring up something about whatever else was going on with our son. Okay, well let's just say that I'm not too thrilled about what my oldest is saying these days. I am doing my best as a parent to make sure he does what he is supposed to do. I tell him that I love him everyday. I don't make him do anymore than what I ask him to do either. I stay on him as I stay on my youngest son. I love them both the same. I wouldn't have it any other way. I can never picture my life without my children. We we weren't born parents, but we al do the best we can as a parent. We all make mistakes, so when society thinks you have to be supper Mom & Dad; tell them to get a life. Sorry to sound so blunt everyone. Just trying to get my point across! Well, did I? Lol! Like I said, earlier, I am stronger than ever. But it's not always that easy. I'm already going through a tough time, so bring it people!! Okay, that is all everyone, I have to go. I am at the library again. But hopefully I will be getting the internet on next week. We will see what happens! In the mean time, God Bless, and take care everyone!! Peace...

Blah!!

Yep, it's a blah kind of day today. Sorry I haven't blogged since last week. Won't have internet until next week. So I will probaly be blogging more or posting videos from Youtube up. Until then, I will not be on it as much. Especially tomorrow and Thursday, have appointments to go to. Can't miss those; very important!! I will let you all know how it goes. Yep, tests coming up again. Staying positive though! Sorry; don't have a lot to say right now. That, and I'm in arush to get home and have something to eat! Have a good one everyone! God Bless!! Peace...

At The Library.

Hello everyone! Yup, guess what, I am at the library right now! Reason being; no internet at home right now. Hey, sometimes you have to sacrifice one thing to keep something else running! After a while you figure things out. It sucks to be without internet, but it could be worse. You're most important bills come first. So yeah, the internet had to wait this time. So, I won't be on the computer when I would like to be. Just when the kids are at school in the morning. And of course, when I don't have my appointments. I may be here everyday, or every other day. Just depends on how I'm feeling I guess! Hopefully we won't be too long without internet at home. The only other time I would be coming to the library is to print out some coupons. Which I haven't done in a while. My mother- in - law has been sending coupons my way. And every once in a blue moon, my husband gets a Sunday paper. So... I thought since I have some change for once; I thought I might as well get some more coupons! We have a printer at home but, we just haven't bought any cartridges for it yet. Well, that is all for now! Enjoy your day or evening! God Bless! Peace...

40 And Well... Wow!!

Yessiry, I am 40; Yikes!! For some reason I felt a little different yesterday. The last time I felt different; was when I turned 20. Didn't feel different at 30. Nope, not a thing!! Hard to explain, maybe I should have blogged about it right at that moment yesterday, or write it down so I could have put it in this blog today. Dangit, why didn't I think of that? Oh well, stuff happens; you're only human, what can you do?! 40 doesn't seem too bad at all, I am actually very thankful to be here at this age!! I will keep on fighting this bad word that I have. I'm doing my best to be around for some more Birthdays to come, each year will be a Blessing from God that I am still around! I am still extremely gratful to Our Father in heaven for everyday that I'm here! I could have not found out at all about my type of breast cancer, if I haven't checked. I checked; and found what I thought was a lump. Ended up being something even worse. And as of one year ago yesterday is when I found out the news. Actually, I heard cancer; the rest sounded like adults talkng in Charlie Brown. Not only did I have my first mammo that day; a couple of other tests done that day when my husband took me. A day later is when I recieved a call about the biopsy that was done, that's when I remember hearing the words; inflammatory breast cancer. I was almost in tears, because I was trying to be strong. But when I let my husband know, I couldn't hold it in much longer. There were so many thoughts going through my mind. At that time, I was like why did I get this type of cancer that I never heard of at all, not even my family memembers heard of it. I was so angry, hurt, and parden me, ( pissed ) off! Especially when I kept hearing more, and more not so great news. I was supposed to start chemo last year, when on the day I was to start; I recieved a phone call from the Doctor saying that there was a couple of spots found, we need to get you in for more tests just to make sure. Long story short, the spot on the breast bone, cancerous, the spot on the liver, nothing to worry about. I went from a stage three to a atage four in no time! The spot on the bone did it. The feeling when I heard the not so great news that day; what do you think I felt like?! It wasn't a good day at all! No offense toward my doctor; he is just doing his job. I got my crying out that day, but the day after that; I was like, wait a minute, no one here on earth knows, only God knows!! From then 'til' now; big difference!! I know that I bring it up about how thankful I am to God about a lot of things, my life included. I am not worrying about offending anyone! We are in One Nation Under God!! Freedom to speak our minds! I'm not leaving God out of my blogs at all!! I give credit when credit is due, Amen! I don't tell anyone how to live their life, I pray for them in silence. I can't help it, I love Our Father In Heaven! I know is putting me through this trial for a reason. I am not thrilled to have this, but everyday is a Blessing! I have my moments when I shed a teer, but I get through it. Being strong doesn't mean that you don't cry. You can only be strong for so long, eventually you are going to let go, let it out!! So let go, get it out of your system. Oay, I know, I went on rambilg again! The point is this; I am happier this year than I was last year at the time I found out the news. So much has changed since then, as you can tell from reading my past blogs. There is a difference. Yesterday was a good day, because 1. I wasn't at the hospital getting a mammo done like I was last year on my Birthday. And 2. my husband had a day off and cooked me a brunch!! This year is good indeed!! And well, was starting to get my cake going for tomorrow,but the eggs that we bought not too long ago are frozen! So he's at the store right now getting more eggs. Why not yesterday,because he works only until 5pm tomorrow. So he will be making a special dinner that he said he is going to cook, wow!! And it's Sweetest Day This weekend too! Oy, what pressure!! His day is in March. And everyday of the week before then, he, he!! He gets fed with my cooking!! Wow, stil can't believe I'm 40. I remember being teen hearing this: Teenagers!! Now I'm saying it! Lol,weird. Good greif time flies!! Now my nieces and nephews are in their 20's, one 18, one his 30's. Wow!!! The part I'm looking forward to is bening a great aunt any day now. Next week!! So excited!! Well, that is all!! God Bless, and have a good one!! Peace...

Happy Birthday To Me!!

See what a cool photo effect I made!

Nickelback - Never Gonna Be Alone

Reflection!

Meditation: Why does Jesus single out the teachers and lawyers for some rather strong words of rebuke? The word woe can also be translated as alas. It is as much an expression of sorrowful pity as it is of anger. Why did Jesus lament and issue such a stern rebuke? Jesus was angry with the religious leaders because they failed to listen to God's word and they misled the people they were supposed to guide in the ways of God. The scribes devoted their lives to the study of the Law of Moses and regarded themselves as legal experts in it. They divided the ten commandments and precepts into thousands of tiny rules and regulations. They were so exacting in their interpretations and in trying to live them out, that they had little time for anything else. By the time they finished compiling their interpretations it took no less than fifty volumes to contain them! In their misguided zeal, they required unnecessary and burdensome rules which obscured the more important matters of religion, such as love of God and love of neighbor. They were leading people to Pharisaism rather than to God. Jesus used the example of tithing to show how far they had missed the mark. God had commanded a tithe of the first fruits of one's labor as an expression of thanksgiving and honor for his providential care for his people (Deuteronomy 14:22; Leviticus 27:30). The scribes, however, went to extreme lengths to tithe on insignificant things (such as tiny plants) with great mathematical accuracy. They were very attentive to minute matters of little importance, but they neglected to care for the needy and the weak. Jesus admonished them because their hearts were not right. They were filled with pride and contempt for others. They put unnecessary burdens on others while neglecting to show charity, especially to the weak and the poor. They meticulously went through the correct motions of conventional religion while forgetting the realities. Why does Jesus also compare them with "unmarked graves"? According to Numbers 19:16 contact with a grave made a person ritually unclean for seven days. Jesus turns the table on the Pharisees by declaring that those who come into contact with them and listen to their self-made instruction are likewise defiled by their false doctrine. They infect others with wrong ideas of God and of his intentions. Since the Pharisees are "unmarked", other people do not recognize the decay within and do not realize the danger of spiritual contamination. The Pharisees must have taken Jesus' accusation as a double insult: They are not only spiritually unclean themselves because they reject the word of God, but they also contaminate others with their dangerous "leaven" as well (see Luke 12:1). What was the point of Jesus' lesson? The essence of God's commandments is love – love of the supreme good – God himself and love of our neighbor who is made in the image and likeness of God. God is love (1 John 4:8) and everything he does flows from his love for us. God's love is unconditional and is wholly directed towards the good of others. True love both embraces and lifts the burdens of others. Paul the Apostle reminds us that "God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit which has been given us" (Romans 5:5). Do you help your neighbors carry their burdens? God gives each of us sufficient grace for each day to love as he loves and to lift the burdens of others that they, too, may experience the grace and love of Jesus Christ. "Lord Jesus, inflame my heart with your love that I may always pursue what matters most – love of you my God and love of my neighbor whom you made in your image and likeness. Give me wisdom and courage to always show kindness, mercy, and justice to all whom I meet." This reflection is courtesy of Don Schwager (c) 2011, whose website is located at http://www.rc.net/wcc/readings