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Friday, October 14, 2011

40 And Well... Wow!!

Yessiry, I am 40; Yikes!! For some reason I felt a little different yesterday. The last time I felt different; was when I turned 20. Didn't feel different at 30. Nope, not a thing!! Hard to explain, maybe I should have blogged about it right at that moment yesterday, or write it down so I could have put it in this blog today. Dangit, why didn't I think of that? Oh well, stuff happens; you're only human, what can you do?! 40 doesn't seem too bad at all, I am actually very thankful to be here at this age!! I will keep on fighting this bad word that I have. I'm doing my best to be around for some more Birthdays to come, each year will be a Blessing from God that I am still around! I am still extremely gratful to Our Father in heaven for everyday that I'm here! I could have not found out at all about my type of breast cancer, if I haven't checked. I checked; and found what I thought was a lump. Ended up being something even worse. And as of one year ago yesterday is when I found out the news. Actually, I heard cancer; the rest sounded like adults talkng in Charlie Brown. Not only did I have my first mammo that day; a couple of other tests done that day when my husband took me. A day later is when I recieved a call about the biopsy that was done, that's when I remember hearing the words; inflammatory breast cancer. I was almost in tears, because I was trying to be strong. But when I let my husband know, I couldn't hold it in much longer. There were so many thoughts going through my mind. At that time, I was like why did I get this type of cancer that I never heard of at all, not even my family memembers heard of it. I was so angry, hurt, and parden me, ( pissed ) off! Especially when I kept hearing more, and more not so great news. I was supposed to start chemo last year, when on the day I was to start; I recieved a phone call from the Doctor saying that there was a couple of spots found, we need to get you in for more tests just to make sure. Long story short, the spot on the breast bone, cancerous, the spot on the liver, nothing to worry about. I went from a stage three to a atage four in no time! The spot on the bone did it. The feeling when I heard the not so great news that day; what do you think I felt like?! It wasn't a good day at all! No offense toward my doctor; he is just doing his job. I got my crying out that day, but the day after that; I was like, wait a minute, no one here on earth knows, only God knows!! From then 'til' now; big difference!! I know that I bring it up about how thankful I am to God about a lot of things, my life included. I am not worrying about offending anyone! We are in One Nation Under God!! Freedom to speak our minds! I'm not leaving God out of my blogs at all!! I give credit when credit is due, Amen! I don't tell anyone how to live their life, I pray for them in silence. I can't help it, I love Our Father In Heaven! I know is putting me through this trial for a reason. I am not thrilled to have this, but everyday is a Blessing! I have my moments when I shed a teer, but I get through it. Being strong doesn't mean that you don't cry. You can only be strong for so long, eventually you are going to let go, let it out!! So let go, get it out of your system. Oay, I know, I went on rambilg again! The point is this; I am happier this year than I was last year at the time I found out the news. So much has changed since then, as you can tell from reading my past blogs. There is a difference. Yesterday was a good day, because 1. I wasn't at the hospital getting a mammo done like I was last year on my Birthday. And 2. my husband had a day off and cooked me a brunch!! This year is good indeed!! And well, was starting to get my cake going for tomorrow,but the eggs that we bought not too long ago are frozen! So he's at the store right now getting more eggs. Why not yesterday,because he works only until 5pm tomorrow. So he will be making a special dinner that he said he is going to cook, wow!! And it's Sweetest Day This weekend too! Oy, what pressure!! His day is in March. And everyday of the week before then, he, he!! He gets fed with my cooking!! Wow, stil can't believe I'm 40. I remember being teen hearing this: Teenagers!! Now I'm saying it! Lol,weird. Good greif time flies!! Now my nieces and nephews are in their 20's, one 18, one his 30's. Wow!!! The part I'm looking forward to is bening a great aunt any day now. Next week!! So excited!! Well, that is all!! God Bless, and have a good one!! Peace...

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