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Friday, October 28, 2011

It Could Be Worse

Hello everyone! Well, I have metioned a couple a days ago about my appointments on Wednesday and Thursday. Wednesday was my CT scan, injection, and bone scan. Went to my usual appointments on Thursday. I was told about my results yesterday. Well, before I get to that part; prior to these appointments; I have noticed that my right breast was getting a little bigger again. And it has been hurting like a Bleep!! Only at night time though. So when I seen my cancer doctor last week, I told them what was going on. That is one of the reasons for these tests to get done. That, and it was time for them to get done anyway. Only, it was a rush to get it done, and get the results faster than usual. Okay; here are the results people; the swelling that was thought to be a reaction to the previous chemo treatment that I was on, wasn't. It is indeed the mass growing again. And there was a spot found on my liver again, and a spot found on my lower spine. Not to worry though, my back is not hurting! And according to the doctor that is a good thing!! So, I was going to get my previous chemo treatment done; but I metioned that I want to start on the new one. So, I started on the new one yesterday. It's called; Paclitaxel Chemotherapy Regimen. And, unlike the other treatment that I have been on since late summer; I will be loosing my hair with this one. But, that is fine, grant it, I'm not thrilled about it, as long as it gets this nasty bad word out of my system. That is what I am aiming for anyway! With my Father in Heaven's help of course! I said it before, I love God with all my heart, so I am not deniying him!! He has gotten me through some tough times, and this is one of them that he is helping me through right now! He is putting me through this test to see how well I can handle it! I will keep praying that God will get rid of this bad c word I have. Until then, I have to be patient! Praying for my husband though, usually he is the strong one. He wasn't too happy with the news at all. Along with everything else that is going on right now! It's getting to him big time. Not an easy thing to hear. I am a lot stronger than I used to be. Not that I never been a strong person. I just take so much crap; then it gets to me, I let it out. Being strong doesn't mean you don't cry. It doesn't make you weak either! And I realized that not too long ago. We're all human, and all have our breaking point sooner or later. Their is nothing wrong with being a strong person, it's just not healthy to hold it in! I was told a long time ago when I was young, to let it out, don't hold anything in! Get it out of your system. Not that I did all the time. Only sometimes. I'm usually a pretty quiet person anyway. So, I can understand why my husband is just not too happy to hear my latest news. My two boys know what's going on. I know it is affecting my 15 year old. He is having those kind of days at school that is not too good. I will try and be careful of what I say. But I can't help but metion this, he said something that no one, not even the schools will take lighty. He said, he wanted to end his life a few days ago. He has been seeing a counsler for a couple of years now. It was brought up when my husband and my mother - in -law went. The grandma brought it up of course. Because, of course my son wouldn't. I'm not sure why my husband wouldn't, normally he would bring up something about whatever else was going on with our son. Okay, well let's just say that I'm not too thrilled about what my oldest is saying these days. I am doing my best as a parent to make sure he does what he is supposed to do. I tell him that I love him everyday. I don't make him do anymore than what I ask him to do either. I stay on him as I stay on my youngest son. I love them both the same. I wouldn't have it any other way. I can never picture my life without my children. We we weren't born parents, but we al do the best we can as a parent. We all make mistakes, so when society thinks you have to be supper Mom & Dad; tell them to get a life. Sorry to sound so blunt everyone. Just trying to get my point across! Well, did I? Lol! Like I said, earlier, I am stronger than ever. But it's not always that easy. I'm already going through a tough time, so bring it people!! Okay, that is all everyone, I have to go. I am at the library again. But hopefully I will be getting the internet on next week. We will see what happens! In the mean time, God Bless, and take care everyone!! Peace...

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